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If a rooster laid an egg on the tip of the roof, which way would the egg roll? |
Roosters don't lay eggs! |
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Which month has 28 days? |
February? No, all of them! |
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Why did the turkey cross the road? |
Because he knew he wasn't a chicken! |
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What did the snail say when he rode on the turtle's back? |
Wheeeeee!!!!!! |
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What are the hottest flowers in all of creation? |
Sunflowers! |
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Why doesn't a dog have a nose 12 inches long? |
Because then it would be a foot! |
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Where is a cat when the lights go out? |
In the dark! |
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What the salad dressing say to the tomato? |
Please close the door, I'm dressing! |
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Why did the egg cross the road? |
To get cracked up! |
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What did the Baby Banana say to the Mommy Banana? |
I’m not peeling good! |
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon? |
He took them to the pignic! |
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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? |
Because he felt crummy! |
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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a rainstorm? |
A wet blanket! |
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What did the mayonnaise say to the tomato when it opened the fridge door? |
Close the door, I’m dressing! |
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What do you call cheese that's not yours? |
Na-cho cheese! |
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What do you call a happy mushroom? |
A fun-guy! |
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What do you get when you cross a Barbie with an oven? |
A Barbie-cue! |
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What do detectives say when they are going to bed? |
Let’s go under-cover! |
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What did the Mama Tomato say to Baby Tomato when he lagged behind? |
Ketchup! |
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Why can't you tell a joke on ice? |
Because the ice will crack up! |
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What do you call lassie when she's happy? |
A jolly collie! |
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Where did the bed bugs get married? |
In the spring! |
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Why did the kid throw a clock out the window? |
To see time fly! |
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Why did the basketball player bring a suitcase with her to a ball game? |
Just in case she travels! |
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What has more letters than the alphabet? |
The Post Office! |
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? |
Just in case she gets a hole in one! |
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What are the hottest flowers in all of creation? |
Sunflowers! |
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Why do skeletons hate winter? |
Because the cold air goes right through them! |
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What does a ghost call her parents? |
Mummy and Deady! |
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What do you get when you pass a dog and a frog? |
A croker spaniel! |
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? |
Because it didn't have enough guts! |
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What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? |
Milk and quackers! |
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What did the picture say to the wall? |
I’ve been framed! |
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What has four wheels and flies? |
A garbage truck! |
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What would a ghost have for breakfast? |
Dreaded wheat! |
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What do you call a sleeping bull? |
A Bulldozer! |
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? |
A carrot! |
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What did the 500-pound canary say? |
Here Kitty, Kitty! |
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Why do seagulls live near the sea? |
Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels! |
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How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? |
A Buccaneer! |
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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? |
A nervous wreck! |
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How do we know that clocks are always hungry? |
They always have seconds! |
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Where did the bird go when it lost its tail? |
The Retail Shop! |
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What did the farmer do when his chicken wouldn't lay any eggs? |
He showed her an egg sample! |
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Why is it so easy to weigh fish? |
They have their own scales! |
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What sea animal can be adjusted to play music? |
A tune-a fish (tuna fish)! |
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What do computers eat? |
Computer Chips! |
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Why do cows wear bells? |
Because their horns don't work! |
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Where do baby apes sleep? |
In apricots! |
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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? |
A bad golfer goes, Whack, Dang!
A bad skydiver goes Dang! Whack. |
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Why did Pilgrims' pants always fall down? |
Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat. |
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What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? |
Sanka. |
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils? |
Because they have big fingers. |
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? |
Anyone can roast beef. |
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? |
Frostbite. |
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What do you get from a pampered cow? |
Spoiled milk. |
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What do you call four bullfighters In quicksand? |
Quattro Sinko. |
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What do you call Santa's helpers? |
Subordinate Clauses |
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How do you catch a unique rabbit? |
Unique up on it. |
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How do you catch a tame rabbit? |
Tame way, unique up on it. |
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What do you call a witch that lives at the beach? |
A Sandwich! |
Six glasses are in a row. The first three are filled with milk, and the last three are empty. By moving only one glass, can you arrange them so that the full and the empty glasses alternate?